Lucinda McKimm is a Freelance producer, writer and host of Ready or Not mum to nearly 2.5-year-old Ray and 8-month-old Posie.
What do you feel is the biggest misconception of early motherhood?
For me, I think the biggest misconception is that if you're "maternal" (whatever that means) and have spent a lot of time around babies, you'll find this whole motherhood thing easy. Sure, in some ways, that was definitely true for me. Some things came so easily.
But, I was naive to think that if motherhood felt easy on a practical level, that every aspect of it would flow from there. Because of this, I was ill prepared for the emotions that motherhood would bring – the enormity, the weight of my love for my babies and how all encompassing that was – and is – every single day. It’s beautiful and it’s suffocating.
You're leaving the hospital with your firstborn. What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself?
I cannot believe how much you’ve grown up in the last few years, and there’s been a valuable lesson in the immense challenges and losses you’ve navigated both with your family and friendship group – that life isn’t perfect and it’s not about chasing perfection, either.
No rain, no rainbows. No mud, no lotus.
Reflecting on your first postpartum, can you fill in the blanks: I should have spent less ____ (time/money/energy) on ______ and more on _______
I know how this sounds (oh la la, clever you!) but I wouldn't change a thing. Sometimes I would fit too much into a day, on others I binged TV with a small baby on my chest and didn't leave the couch. It all had its place and its purpose and served a specific need at that moment in time.
Thanks to the mothers that came before me, I knew to plan for my first postpartum. I really focussed on food and selfcare support and it helped immensely.
How did your second postpartum compare to your first? Did you set out to do anything different?
During my first postpartum with my son Ray, I distinctly remember being very aware that it would never be this slow again, and I revelled in the magic of it just being us two doing this special, intimate postpartum dance together.
First time around, I took a very traditional parental leave that included 12 weeks’ full pay from my workplace plus the government leave. Aside from little freelance projects, I really didn’t work until I started Ready or Not when Ray was six months old, and even then, it remained a fun little passion project for a long time.
Second time around with my daughter Posie, I had a busy nearly-two-year-old and a growing podcast and business. I knew it would look different and I knew I wanted to savour whatever sense of slowness I could.
I engaged a doula both times, but we invested in more sessions the second time around (Charlotte Squires from The Living Doula is a real life angel and we debrief on my postpartum here if it’s of interest to your community).
I also took on so much of the advice from our incredible Postpartum and Return to Work Planning Go To Guide that’s available here (I would love to give your readers 10% off using code READY10). We created this guide with Naomi Chrisoulakis who is both a postpartum doula and corporate worker, and I am floored at how useful the information is every single time I open it.
This time around, I rested as much as I could amongst the chaos of becoming a family of four and being a business owner.
It was calm and chaotic and clean and messy and fast and slow. It was staring down at my breastfeeding baby while Sea of Love by Cat Power played and the doors were flung open and it was hurriedly trying to keep on top of work on my phone and my laptop while the baby slept.
It was four seasons in one day and I embraced each and every one of them.
A moment when everyone thought you had it together, but you really didn't:
Literally every day since Posie was born. People don't understand how I've kept this podcast up and honestly, I don't either.
No, I do: helpful grandparents, a partner who does his bit without me having to ask, supportive friends, childcare, excellent postpartum planning. Plus, a healthy dose of anxiety and questioning what the f*ck I was doing every time I would attempt to work while failing to settle an unsettled baby.
Any life hacks for second-time mums currently in the thick of it?
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Write lists to avoid doing too many things at once. Lists are your best friend and will free up some space in your chaotic mind. You can’t always get to that email or that brilliant idea when you want to. Write your to do list, commit to a time to tick it off and stop trying to do two things at once.
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Automate everything that makes sense for your family. There are great eco conscious brands out there that offer subscription services for household and baby items. USE THEM! Plus, if you’re anything like me, getting to the supermarket for a big shop feels impossible. Automate it.
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Talk to your partner and don’t assume anything about what the other perceives to be their role. If you’re going to come together to find a way to support one another’s paid working endeavours, clear communication is key and will reduce tension.
