Frida is mum to two boys aged 7 and 4, is a qualified nutritionist and the Founder of The Tenth, vitamins, minerals & herbs for a sunnier state of mind.
What surprised you most about postpartum?
I think most of it! I was very much focused on pregnancy and preparing for birth; I had not given much thought to my postpartum and recovery. This is why I'm so passionate about helping other women have a different experience than I did.
A must read, listen, download or watch for anyone headed into postpartum?
I'd say Dr Oscar Serrallach's book The Postnatal Depletion Cure is essential for any couple (not just the mother) to read along their pregnancy resources. I believe if more couples read Oscar's book pre birth, it would change family dynamics from the get go. It provides a deep understanding of the changes that occur for the mother and gives actionable resources; that would provide a lot more compassion within the mother as well as from her partner when the flurry of depletion symptoms appears, and it can help the mother avoid the brunt of depletion all together.
Most challenging aspect of motherhood?
Motherhood has no off-season, which requires us as mothers to show up for ourselves, because it's a lot for our nervous systems to hold; and most often than not this is why we become exhausted and frazzled, as most of the time the cup overflows because we put everyone else first. We think there is always something else 'to-do', when in fact we need to actively take care of ourselves. This is so hard, I know it first hand, it's taken me a long time to realise it and I'm still practising.
What got you through the most difficult days?
"this too will pass".
I'd say as depleted as I was, it was the moments of the newborn cuddles, their little kisses, belly giggles; these moments of pure joy and purity - how the heart expands - Finding the beacons of light when it felt quite dark.
What does self-care mean to you? What does this look like day-to-day?
Self-care is something that did not come naturally to me, I've always been the person who pride herself in 'pushing through' and 'you got to keep going' - which are great til they are not. So, I had to learn to take time to do the things that fill up my cup and nourish my nervous system. For a long time I thought someone would come and say 'Frida - now go, you can go now', but what I had to learn the hard way is it's not anyone else's responsibility actually, it's mine. I have to make and more so take the time to do the things that makes me feel good, because when we feel good it has a ripple effect around us. For me it's simple things, time alone, walks, pilates, catching up with friends that make your cheeks hurt, being near water. I love Oscar's framework; tiny things frequently, small things daily and bigger things weekly. I try to do tiny things frequently, like focus on my breath and be intentional with my breath, small things daily - like daily movement (even if I don't have time for anything else than walking to drop off), bigger things a few times a week - attending Pilates classes, catching up with a friend, and once ina. while I'll try to go away with my husband, a friend or solo.
How do you switch from mum mode to work mode? This could be rituals, routine etc.
Great question - it's easier some days than others, I think my boys ground me, they are very affectionate boys and cuddling them gets me quite quickly from work mode to mum mode.
What is the best thing you can do for a new mum?
Hold space. Deliver meals. Say I got the baby - you go and have a coffee down the road. She will probably say 'no, I got this". And you say "I know you do, I want to do this for You. Please go, I know you would do the same for me"
